Allison Hottinger, Lisa Kalberer, and ‘The Giving Manger’ (Part 1)

JF: Where did the original idea for The Giving Manger come from?

Allison Hottinger: Where it stemmed from was Lisa and I both had small children at the time. I have five children and she has one incredible son. I just remember we were talking; we live in two different states. She lives in Texas. I live in California, but we’re sisters so we talk frequently. We were just chatting about Christmas and how for our kids it had become all about what they were going to get. The lists they kept making kept getting longer and they were just so focused on what they were going to get at Christmas. I remember saying to her, “This is not what Christmas is all about. I just don’t want this to be the focus in our homes.” And then randomly one night I had a memory pop in my mind and it was actually from my childhood.

I had a neighbor who had a little wooden manger. I was probably about eight years old and I remember I was at her house and they had a small manger about the size of your hand. I said, “What do you do with that?” Nothing was around it; it was just the manger. She said, “Each time we do something nice for someone else, we go and put a piece of straw in the manger and we try to create a soft bed for the baby Jesus.” Then I said, “Well, do you put a baby Jesus in at the end?” And she said, “No.” And then we ran away and played.

I never thought about that again until here I was with my own children and I was like, “That’s what I want to do with them. I think that could teach them exactly what I’m trying to teach them: that Christmas is about Jesus and what we can give, not what we can get at Christmas.”

So, we scoured the Internet trying to find a manger and the only mangers available were like full-size troughs for animals. So, I sent my husband out to the garage to build our very first giving manager. We did it in our home that year and it just completely transformed our Christmas from my kids wanting to doing things for each other — a little thing like putting someone’s shoes away or holding the door for someone at the store. It just became all about thinking of others instead of themselves.

The next year my husband made more, and we gave them to all of our neighbors and people kept asking if they could get one. I called my sister and said, “I think there’s more people out there looking for what we’re looking for at Christmas than we realized.” That’s really when we decided to write this book and create that baby Jesus that wasn’t there originally. We sculpted the baby because that’s a really important moment for us, being able to come together and put that baby in at the end. It really brings the whole season together of what we gave back to Jesus by helping others that year and really the whole reason for the season.

Helping Others

JF: How old were your kids when you introduced this concept and how did they take to the concept?

Allison: The kids were not super-excited at first. They’re so focused on presents. They’re like, “Now I have to do something for other people?” But in this book and in my own home what happened was I actually did some simple things for them. Then I put a piece of straw in the manger and they saw how good that felt when someone thought of them and helped them. Then they, in turn, wanted to go and do those little things for each other and for others. It really is something that builds. The joy that you feel as you help others and you see the joy that they feel, it just changes your heart at Christmas season.

Now we have teenagers. Our kids at the time were little. My oldest was seven and I had a new baby, but now we have teenagers that still participate and it’s amazing to see how their service changes. Like what they want to do versus little kids, but they still have a heart in it. It really does change their heart to see them want to help others and see others because everybody wants to be seen. Everybody wants someone to notice that you need help or feel love. You can really just feel Jesus’ love as someone sees you and you can really be His hands. Married couples use this, we have people with empty nests, we have people with small children, people with teenagers. It really can kind of run the gamut of whatever age your family’s at.

Lisa Kalberer: A lot of the Christmas traditions are really just focused on if you do this, then you’ll get presents. That was a big part of why we didn’t want our Christmas focused on just the presents. As our kids get older, a lot of those ideas and things really kind of go by the wayside — Santa and elves and things like that. But Jesus is real and we get to celebrate that. Now that they’re older, we still have a tradition that we get to do over and over again. As our kids get older, we get to have even more in-depth and loving conversations about Christ and about His life and the example that He was. And, like Allison said, have a moment where we feel like we can walk in His path and in His footsteps, where we can be His hands and be doing for others and just be a light in the world.

JF: What is the story that is in The Giving Manger? Could you share a little bit about the story that’s actually on the pages?

Allison: It’s actually a story of a father who says to his children, “There will be more gifts this year.” So, the kids are really excited and they’re thinking they’re going to get more presents and he shows up with this wooden manger. Their initial reaction is, “Wait, I thought we were getting more presents.” But he explains, “Oh, no. We’re going to be giving more gifts this year.” And talks them through how the Giving Manger works and talks about the scripture Matthew 25:40: that as we serve our brothers and sisters, we’re actually serving Jesus. He teaches them that scripture says, “We’re going to give gifts back to Jesus this year.”

The kids are disappointed. They wanted more presents, but the mom then does a few things for the children. She puts their laundry away — their least favorite job — she goes ahead and does that. Then the kids notice there’s straw in the manger. Then the little sister starts to do a few things for her older brother who’s the most resistant to this idea. She does things for him, for her parents, and for other people. Then the brother decides, after he has felt that joy of someone really helping him, he wants to do something for a neighbor that’s struggling.

He goes out to the garage and makes a crib for this little girl’s baby doll. The family is financially struggling and the brother and sister sneak over there and drop off this gift to this family. Then they come together at the end of Christmas day and have a full manger and their hearts and their home are full of service and love. They really brought the focus in their home back to Jesus.

The book does two things: it tells a story, but it also explains how to use the Giving Manger so that parents can read that to their children and understand, and they can also see that it may not be the most exciting thing at first, but if you stick with it and you really try, it really can be a beautiful Christmas season for your family.

Jesus Is the Reason for the Season

JF: What is the main message you hope readers and families will take from The Giving Manger?

Allison: The main thing is that we want families to bring the focus back to Jesus and giving. That’s what we really focus on. Like the wise men brought gifts to Jesus. That’s part of our Nativity story. We have taught our children that we can give gifts back to Him. This just makes it a little more tangible, especially for children to be like, “What does that mean to give a gift back to Jesus?” But we know from Scripture from the Bible that He taught us this is a way we can do that. That’s what we want. Really to shift the focus back to Him.

Also, we all are struggling. Everybody in the world is struggling with something and Jesus has asked us to help others and love others and lift others. So, we want that to be a focus. Thinking of others and how we can be Jesus’ hands to do that. It’s really a shift back to giving and Jesus, is what we like to say.

JF: What is the most important piece of advice to keep in mind when embracing and living out this message that The Giving Manger has?

Lisa: I honestly think people need to remember that it doesn’t have to be big. It’s small things that you do that change people’s lives and it’s everyday moments that are right in front of you. These moments are right in front of you all the time. These small acts of kindness are right in front of you and it’s about being intentional and seeing those moments instead of just getting caught up in the world and everything. We’re all overwhelmed by media. We’re all overwhelmed by all these things. Instead, it’s like pressing pause and thinking about what’s really important in our time here and what you can do to be the light. What you can do to change somebody else’s day, somebody else’s heart, that you can be that light for them.

Our parents always taught us that the most important thing to do in life is to lead by example because you can preach all day long but if you’re not practicing what you preach, it has no value. When you’re practicing these things — I don’t remember how many days they say it takes to establish a habit — but when you’re practicing this for an entire month, I really believe it creates a habit in their mind of seeing outside themselves and seeing the world a little bit differently that they can be the lights in the world. And they can be someone who changes people’s hearts.

They do that through example and when you’re using the example of Christ, that is where you can bring people to see that this example and this sacrifice that was made. He brought this light to the world and this gift, and you too can be an example to others that they can feel that light and find Jesus in their hearts too.

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Learn more about The Giving Manger here.

Order your copy of The Giving Manger: A Christmas Family Tradition by Allison Hottinger and Lisa Kalberer