Dave Says: He Needs to Be Reminded

Dear Dave,

My husband and I both work outside the home, and he has come up with an idea for our fun money. He wants us to set up an account where we both put 5% of our earnings for discretionary spending. The issue in my mind is that he would have a lot more to spend, because he makes much more money than I do. He says he feels he should be able to spend more since he makes more. I’m not a greedy person, and I don’t spend money on a lot of frivolous things, but I do think things would be even. I feel we should each put in the same dollar amount—one that’s fair to both of us—if we’re going to do this. What do you think?

— Val

Dear Val,

This isn’t a good plan. I’m sure your husband means well, and that he’s really a good guy overall, but it sounds to me like he probably hasn’t thought this whole thing through. As they stand now, the details of his idea play out as pretty immature and selfish. And something tells me you wouldn’t marry a man like that.

Think about it this way. There are plenty of families out there where only one person works outside the home and generates an actual income. Would it be fair to say that whoever brings home the paycheck is the only one who can have fun spending once in a while? Of course, not! In most cases, spouses who don’t work outside the home take on tons of responsibility and accomplish several things every single day—especially if the couple has kids. If you put a monetary amount on all that, it’d wind up being a pretty nice income dollars-wise.

Remember back when you two got married? If it were anything close to a traditional ceremony, I’ll bet the preacher pronounced you two “as one.” As in every thing and every way. That means you have one income, a combined income, and it’s our income. If you own a home, it’s our home. It’s not more his home just because he makes more money than you. Our kids, our marriage our everything. Get the picture?

Marriage is not a me proposition. It should always be a we thing. Your husband needs to be reminded of that.

— Dave