Sacred Boundaries: Saying No Like Jesus

Many of us were raised to believe that love always says yes – but Jesus showed us a better way. This article explores what it means to start saying no like Jesus: with clarity, compassion, and conviction, all to protect what matters most. If you’re overwhelmed, burned out, or feeling stretched thin, learn how sacred boundaries can align your time, energy, and heart with God’s best.

 

Saying no like Jesus isn’t something that came easily for me. I was raised to be a “yes” girl – always thoughtful, polite, and agreeable. I worked hard to be helpful – to be the one people could count on and never ruffle any feathers. Even when they stepped on my feelings, I held my peace and tried not to hurt theirs. That’s what I believed kindness looked like … until it wore me down.

But the more I said yes, the more people expected. And strangely, the more I tried to please, the less it seemed to matter. Instead, it became the status quo. It took me years—and more than one burnout—to see what was happening.

Then one day, something clicked. I could sum it up in three hard-won realizations:

1. 1. Every yes generated more expectations.
   2. I was unintentionally teaching people to take my time for granted.
   3. I was completely worn out – and it wasn’t holy. It was unsustainable.

The Truth That Set Me Free

If you’ve ever been stuck in the people-pleasing trap – or thought that serving in church meant saying yes to every stray request – maybe you recognize some of that burnout and resentment.

But do you also recognize that it doesn’t fit with living out your God-given purpose? That moment of clarity set me on a journey of learning what Jesus already knew:

1. 1. Boundaries are sacred.
   2. Rest is holy.
   3. Sometimes saying no is the most obedient, God-honoring thing we can do.

Because the reality is that every yes – no matter how well intentioned – is a no to something else. And often it’s the important things that quietly suffer most: your time with God, family time, or your health and peace.

That recognition took me back to a powerful lesson I first learned years ago.

The Big Rocks of Life

A while back, a manager named Karen got our team together and gave us each a glass jar, some big rocks, pebbles, sand—and a Sharpie.

“Pick three to five big rocks,” she said, “and label them with what matters most to you. These are your non-negotiables … the things that really matter … and that you’re always struggling to find room for.”

So we did. We wrote down things like:

• • Faith and church
  • Relationships
  • Family time
  • Learning
  • Health

Then came the object lesson: If you first fill the jar with all of the pebbles and sand of interruptions, last-minute tasks, and the zillion urgent (but ultimately unimportant) things that come up, there’s not enough room for most of the “big rocks.”

But if you start with the big rocks, a lot of the smaller ones can flow in around them. Some people could actually fit most of those other pebbles and a lot of the sand in there with their big rocks. They just had to put their priorities in order to make it work.

Jesus understood all of this. He stayed focused on the big rocks … and invites us to do the same.

Why We Over-Yes and Burn Out

So why do we sometimes struggle to say no? Often, it’s because we:

• • Want approval
  • Fear disappointing others
  • Confuse love with constant availability
  • Think godliness means unquestioned self-sacrifice
  • Try to copy someone else’s style of serving, despite different giftings

But here’s the truth:

Saying yes to everything doesn’t mean we’re saying yes to God.

We end up filling the jar with noise and need, instead of protecting space for what matters most.

I still have that jar, and when I look at it, I notice something important. Some people did fit in practically every rock – big and little. Yet my rocks fell together differently.

The way mine fit saved open spaces like breathing room between the big stuff. And that also felt right … because not everyone is made to fill up all of the spaces.

In my case, I’d argue those spaces aren’t meant to be filled up with “stuff” at all – even good stuff. They’re spaces God wants for Himself. Life can be loud. I crave those moments when I can just sit and hear Him as a “still small voice” (1 Kings 19:12).

Know that about yourself. If you’re a person who needs extra spaces, make that a big rock you drop into the jar from the very beginning.

Jesus Modeled Sacred Boundaries

Jesus was intentional about staying focused on His God-given purpose in any moment. So He didn’t heal everyone or answer every question. He didn’t meet every expectation, even when it was heartfelt.

Here are just a few times Jesus said no so He could say a better yes to something else:

• Mark 1:35-38 and Luke 5:15-16 – Jesus withdrew to pray – even when the crowds came looking for more miracles.
  Jesus chose connection with the Father over pressure to perform.
• Luke 12:13-15 – When someone asked Jesus to settle a family inheritance dispute, Jesus declined.
  He didn’t get wrapped up in personal agendas outside His calling.
• John 6:14-15 – After feeding the 5,000, they tried to make Him king. Once again, Jesus withdrew alone.
  He refused to be defined by public expectation.
• Luke 9:51-56 – When His disciples wanted to rain down fire on a village that rejected Jesus, He rebuked the disciples and moved on.
  He redirected misplaced zeal toward their mission to save—not to destroy.

Jesus served with intention – not according to obligation. Each time Jesus said no, He was realigning Himself with God’s plan and purpose for Him.

Saying no wasn’t harsh or unloving, and it certainly wasn’t selfish. He said no so that He could fully give Himself where it mattered the most in those moments.

And maybe that’s the hardest part: Sometimes love requires disappointing someone in the short term in order to honor what’s right in the long term.

A New Kind of Yes

In the end, sacred boundaries aren’t about building walls. They’re about making room for the bigger yesses – for presence, peace, and purpose.

As Dr. Henry Cloud said:

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love … they may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their irresponsibility. But your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them.

Ultimately, saying no like Jesus is a holy act. It’s how we live out the bigger yes—the kind of yes that guards your soul, honors your true calling, and creates space for God to move.

Reflection Question:

Where is God inviting you to say a hard “no” in order to say a deeper “yes” to Him?

Prayer:

Jesus, I want to follow Your example—not just in how You loved, but in how You rested. Teach me how to say no with grace, so I can say yes to what matters most to You. Help me protect space for You, for peace, and for the people You’ve called me to love well. Align my yes with Your purpose for me, and give me courage and discernment in how to create boundaries that reflect Your wisdom. In Jesus’ name, amen.

…

At the Spiritual Growth Hub, you’ll find free
Bible-based tools to help you walk with purpose every day.
Start your journey to lasting spiritual freedom today.