Learning from the Broken

I looked at the young man sitting in front of me, tense, sullen, his body language shouting fear, anger, frustration, and hurt … and yet he remained utterly silent. No matter how much I told him that he was welcome here, he still looked scared, doubtful.

For some reason, I thought of Jesus.

They asked Him to identify Himself when they arrested Him. Jesus refused to answer. They questioned Him further. They asked Him why He was there and where He had come from. Jesus said little.

I tried to imagine why Jesus was so silent when so much was at stake. Why didn’t He convince them of His innocence? I have no doubt He could have.

Still, Jesus said nothing.

All His friends had deserted Him. He was accused of crimes He didn’t commit. He had no reason to trust the people who interrogated Him. He had no reason to trust anyone. Even His Father in Heaven had rejected His pleas for help.

Zack wasn’t the first person who felt he didn’t have a friend in the world and who didn’t trust those who said they were trying to help him.

“We’re really glad you’re here,” I told Zack. “I hope you and I can talk at some point, but it doesn’t have to be now. I just want you to know you are safe here.”

“I don’t talk so good,” he said. “I guess I’m not too smart. My teacher said I got a problem learning,” he said, struggling mightily to say the words, “My dad says I’m just stupid.”

He told me his mother died of cirrhosis. He said, “I loved my mom. I mean, she used to hit me, but only when she was drunk. I wish she didn’t die. I really wish she was here.” When his mother died, and no one would take him in, he lived in the park. He stole food to eat. He didn’t eat much.

I’m convinced that every year, God sends me one extra-special kid to remind me what Christ’s suffering and resurrection really is all about. This is a season of self-examination, of looking in the mirror to see if we like what’s staring back at us.

It is a time to reflect on how we use the goods of the world, how we deal with our relationships … to take time to look under the hood of our souls to make sure everything’s running all right and see where the defects are.

It’s never easy asking ourselves if we’re really being as good as we want to be, as virtuous, as steadfast, as understanding. But it’s good for us. It is when we are most in touch with God.

And kids like Zack?

They know this process better than most of us ever will. Zack lives in a perpetual nonstop life of painful reckoning, questioning, excruciating self-examination of losses.

“What is wrong with me? Why am I living like this … why doesn’t anyone love me … am I suffering because I don’t deserve anything better?”

Sometimes, the parallels between what kids like Zack go through and what Jesus went through are startling. Fear, abandonment, betrayal … silence.

When you and I go through suffering, we know that the resurrection life of Christ waits at the other end. Zack, however, has no idea how the story will turn out in the end. He doesn’t yet believe that there will be a resurrection for him … but I do.

…

Excerpted by permission from Sometimes God Has a Kid’s Face published by Covenant House.