God’s Equation for Marriage

This is much more than a “how to avoid divorce” book. You may or may not resonate with our struggles, but if you don’t, it’s probably because you’re all too aware that you need to be putting in the work to have a healthy marriage. The lessons we learned are good news because our marriage is proof that not only can God redeem any situation, but he can restore and use the brokenness too. Nothing is wasted in his hands.

It’s difficult to express how far we’ve come since that evening. When we preach at marriage conferences now, our relationship is stronger off the stage than when we’re speaking on it. There is a tremendous gap between where we were then and where we are now. This is the story of how our whole world changed and the lessons we learned along the way.

For us, it all started with three simple words: two equals one.

Understanding that simple phrase changed everything. For the first fifteen years of our marriage, we didn’t understand that equation. We lived with each other but not for each other. Accommodating one another’s differences, but never fully embracing them.

This was our story until we realized God’s Word gives us a different equation. It’s one of the first things Scripture tells us—God saw Adam wandering around the garden of Eden all alone and said, “That’s not good.” In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone, so I will create a companion for him, a perfectly suited partner” (The Voice).

Even in Paradise, before the fall, when things were in their perfect state and there was no sin or shame to mess things up, there was one thing that wasn’t good—for man to be alone. So God created Adam’s counterpart—his partner in crime and balance point. The Bible tells us, “This is the reason a man leaves his father and his mother, and is united with his wife; and the two become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 The Voice).

Let’s repeat that last part: the two become one. Two people, created uniquely, coming together as one. Two equals one isn’t our equation, it’s not something we came up with—it’s God’s equation!

This message isn’t about codependency—Adam and Eve didn’t change who they were or suddenly pretend to like all the same things. As we talk more about love, you will see that our differences don’t have to divide us. In fact, they can bring us closer together because the equation God introduced in the garden runs deeper than our differences. But you have to make the decision whether or not you will be for each other.

Decide to Work as a Team

If you want a two-equals-one marriage, you and your spouse will have to decide whether or not you will be for each other. That doesn’t mean always thinking alike, but it does mean thinking together. It doesn’t mean you always agree, but it does mean working together as a team. A team works toward a common goal. A quarterback can have the most impressive arm in the world, but if he doesn’t throw toward his receiver, the team will never score a touchdown. In the same way, if what you are doing isn’t acting for your spouse, then no matter how impressive your effort might be, it won’t help strengthen your marriage.

The decision to be for your spouse and to work as a team has the power to transform a marriage; we know because that was our experience. As we share our story with you, we hope you will see a pattern and learn from our mistakes. When we were each living for ourselves, our marriage was miserable. But the more we learned to live for each other, the more we learned to serve and complement each other, the happier and healthier our marriage became.

A two-equals-one marriage means no longer two but one—no longer competing with each other but celebrating one another.

The Two Equals One Challenge

Today we want to mark this moment in your journey. We believe that you will see a difference in your marriage by walking with us—mark this point in time; later you will be able to see the progress and note the changes made!

Take a moment on your own to consider where you’re at in your marriage. Then ask yourself the following questions:

• What are my goals?
• What are my concerns?
• Did I pick up this book on a whim, or have I read many marriage books in the hopes of revitalizing my relationship?
• What’s coming up for me? What am I anticipating in my future?

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Taken from Two Equals One: A Marriage Equation for Love, Laughter, and Longevity, by Jimmy Rollins and Irene Rollins. Copyright ©2024 by Jimmy Rollins and Irene Rollins. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson.