Unison Parenting: Tenderly Loving Your Child

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love (Ephesians 4:2).

It’s odd that we can act the harshest toward those we supposedly love the most. How often have you heard an adult say of their parent, “Everyone outside our house thought they were great, but we saw a different person on the inside”? Sad to say, it’s not unusual.

While dispensing discipline, we also need to be generous with our love. Often parents say, “My children know that I love them,” but does the child truly know?

Tenderness is necessary to make sure they know. We need to clearly express our love, and we need to show that love tenderly. Tenderness is a combination of patience and gentleness, Spirit fruits that can guide our behavior at home.

Tenderness requires taking care with our words and actions. Tenderness considers a child’s feelings and makes certain that they know our love for them. Tenderness involves physical touch, from little ones sitting in our laps to bigger ones knowing we’ll give them a hug every day. I had one child that became uncomfortable with physical touch as they reached adolescence, so I said, “OK, but there are times now and then that I’m still going to hug you!” And they appreciated my approach and eventually got past that phase.

Listening instead of lecturing is another way to show tenderness. If we’re trying to become more tender, the worst word to use is “but,” as in, “I love you, but …” or “You did well, but …” All they hear is what comes after “but.”

Tenderness even means possessing the humility to apologize to your child when you’re wrong. From my childhood experience, I can tell you how troublesome it is to realize that your parent will never apologize for their mistakes. When I became a parent, I was determined to apologize to my child when I was wrong. As Ephesians 4:2 notes, we are to be “completely humble,” even in regard to our parenting mistakes.

To parent in unison, observe each other’s attempts at tenderness. Gently encourage and correct each other as you each practice tenderness with each other and toward your children. Prioritize tenderness as a way to clearly express love to your child.