Role Reversal: Caring for Our Caretakers

Sticker Charts and Knee Surgery

“I know what you need! You need a sticker chart!” I exclaimed.

My mum had just come home from her first knee replacement surgery and was struggling with her physical therapy exercises. I hadn’t homeschooled my kids for 14 years for nothing. I printed up a little chart, dug out some stickers, and she was as motivated as a toddler using the potty for M&M’s!

Part of the circle of life is that as we reach middle age, our parents reach the age when they need us to care for them. That can be both a privilege and a burden, but the right mindset can make all the difference.

Even if we are not in a position to physically care for our parents or grandparents, we are still called to show our elders honor and respect. Yes, even if our parents don’t respect or honor us. But that’s a different story.

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12 ESV).

Adult children do not owe parents obedience, but we do owe them honor and respect (and regular phone calls). As adult children, our job is to hold in high regard our parents’ wishes and feelings.

What Does Honor Mean?

Honor is a heart attitude that acknowledges and treats someone with admiration, regard, or special recognition. While respect often must be earned, honor is given by virtue of someone’s position or role. That distinction matters.

Let’s break it down:

• Obedience = action (the hands)
• Respect = understanding of someone’s role (the head)
• Honor = heart attitude (the heart)

Honor and respect go beyond obedience, which is simply an action complying with another’s wishes, demands, or rules. You can obey someone without respecting them. You can even show outward respect without truly honoring them. But you cannot truly honor someone without also respecting them. The difference lies in our hearts.

Why Honor Matters

As Jesus summarized, the entire Law hangs on two commands: love God and love people (Matthew 22:35–40 ESV):

And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Honoring our parents, then, flows from love, not legalism or guilt. It’s part of our calling to reflect God’s love in how we treat others, especially those who raised us or have poured into our lives.

Our culture doesn’t always value age. Sometimes we see older generations brushed aside, their voices silenced, or their experiences ignored. But as followers of Christ, we must lead the way in doing things differently.

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39 ESV). That includes our parents and grandparents.

Families are the building blocks of a healthy society. Disregard for the feelings and values of our elders is the first step down the slippery slope of disregard for the value of the lives of the elderly and other vulnerable populations

We must value people purely on the basis of their humanity—not their contributions to society—or we lose our own humanity.

Learning from Their Wisdom

God has designed life in seasons. As children, we are cared for. As young adults, we often return to our parents for guidance and support. Then, we become caretakers—nurturing the next generation while also stepping in to help the generation before us.

Scripture points to the beauty of intergenerational mentorship and guidance. “You shall teach them [God’s commands] diligently to your children” (Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV) and “Older men are to be sober-minded … Older women likewise … so train the young women … urge the younger men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:2–6 ESV).

God never intended for us to walk through life in isolation. We need each other—young and old.

Practical Ways to Honor Our Parents

Not sure where to begin? Here are a few practical ways to honor and respect your parents and grandparents:

• Stay connected. Make the phone call, send the card, or drop by. Presence matters.
• Speak respectfully. Even in disagreement, we can choose words that reflect dignity.
• Be an advocate. Whether at a doctor’s office or family gathering, stand up for their needs.
• Listen well. Ask questions and learn from their stories. They are living history.
• Be patient. Honor means valuing them even when it’s inconvenient or difficult.

And don’t forget the little things—like sticker charts! Sometimes joy and encouragement come in the simplest forms.

Walking in Love

Eventually, we may find ourselves sandwiched between caring for our kids and our parents. One moment we’re texting our young adult not to microwave the whole turkey, and the next, we’re praying in the waiting room during our daddy’s chemo appointment.

But through it all, our calling doesn’t change. We are to love and honor the ones God has placed in our lives—by birth or by choice.

As men and women of faith, let’s be a voice for the voiceless, a support for the weary, and a reflection of Christ’s love to the older generations who paved the way for us.

“Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent” (Psalm 71:9 ESV). Let this be the cry of our hearts as we walk with our elders in love and grace.

How are you honoring the elders God has placed in your life? Please share, so we can gain inspiration from each other! I’ll just be over here putting stickers on a chart every time my mum completes a set of knee exercises.