The Leader

Excerpt taken from Dialed In: Reaching Your Full Capacity as a Man of God by Jim Ramos

Chapter 15
The Leader

Spiritual leadership is quite simple. No matter where you are in your spiritual journey or how old your children may be, my advice is the same—do something. Anything. Just lead. I hesitate to tell men what I do or did for fear that it might discourage them from doing something. When you do receive spiritual leadership advice, keep in mind that most of the time, the people offering it are vocational Christians and are often exaggerating the truth to affirm their expertise.

Do something. Anything. Just lead.

It is mind-boggling how many men are caught off guard by one word: spiritual. That one word has stopped men in their tracks. That one word has caused some of the most successful leaders I know to scratch their heads in dismay. That one word has paralyzed some of the most action-oriented leaders I know.

The word spiritual in the phrase “spiritual leadership” has led to much confusion, and it’s been that way for two millennia. Look at the Pastoral Epistles, for example. This chapter is distinct because even though the term spiritual leader is never mentioned in Scripture, Paul spent more time in the Pastoral Epistles describing household leadership than any of the other nineteen qualities, most of which are one-word descriptions.

When we think of the biblical quality of leadership, it is important to note that Paul was addressing more than a man’s marriage and children, although those are primary components. I remember when we moved to Oregon how hard it was for my sons, who were four, six, and eight years old, to adjust to life without their grandparents, their friends, and the church they were used to. A couple of months after I was hired, our pastor called me into his office because our youngest son, Colton, was acting out in Sunday school. He said something memorable to me: “You will never be fired because of your children but how you respond to them.”

I took that to heart. Let’s look at the three components of leadership Paul mapped out in 1 Timothy 3:4–5 and Titus 1:6, so when in doubt, you will do something. Anything. Just lead.

“Manages His Own Household Well”
[I Timothy 3:4]

It is important to understand that the ancient “household” looked different from what it does today. It was common to have multiple generations, servants, and business associates living in the same household. The word for “manages” Paul used in 1 Timothy 3:4 is the Greek proistemi, meaning “to rule, superintend, or preside over.”

This is important since children are living at home longer than they were fifty years ago. Each of our sons was able to buy a home a couple of years after graduating from college, in part because we invited them back into our home for up to a year after graduating from college to save money and gain financial traction. But they lived by our house rules under my authority during that time.

No questions asked. Our home. Our rules. Follow them or leave.

If proistemi means to preside and provide, the following are some of the critical items a spiritual leader presides over and provides. Here is a word picture I use to describe proistemi and what it looks like to manage one’s household. Like a roof, he presides over his household, shielding those in his house from outside forces that could harm them. Thus, he protects them. Like the barriers surrounding the home structure, he is an impenetrable wall, guarding the hearts of those under his care. He provides for their primary needs of food, water, and shelter. Like the rooms in a house, his people have a secure place under his leadership.

“Keeping His Children Under Control With All Dignity”
[I Timothy 3:4]

There are four words for “child” in the Greek language: nepios (infant), paidion (toddler to pre-teen), teknon (physically mature yet emotionally immature teenager), and huios (fully formed adult). Teknon, which describes a preteen to teenager or a child living in willing dependence, is the word used in both 1 Timothy 3:4 and Titus 1:6, describing a physically fully formed but mentally immature person. The word includes children who have chosen to live within the physical walls under the spiritual mantle of their parents.

Christian parents are biblically accountable for the actions of their children from infancy through their teen years. Another way of putting it is that you are responsible for your children while they are under your roof.

I recently wondered about some Christian parents who allowed their adult child to live in their home with free room and board, paid their cell phone bill and car insurance, and yet allowed them to openly smoke marijuana in their home, saying it was the child’s choice. These parents deferred their authority to their child, which in my opinion is a strike against the father’s leadership because he chose to do nothing.

Do something. Anything. Just lead.

“Having Children Who Believe”
[Titus 1:6]

Someone once said, “Success is being respected the most by those who know me the best.” My direct family includes those who see me most when my guard is down and know me better than anyone else. Be less concerned about your kids listening to you, and more worried that they are watching your every move!

Jesus indicated that the Enemy follows a dire progression: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10).

It was common practice for ancient conquering kings to not only kill the conquered king but destroy his lineage by murdering all his bloodline. Did you know that “your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion” looking for the opportunity to destroy your godly legacy (1 Pet. 5:8)? If you are saved, Satan is hell-bent on you being the last one in your bloodline to enter heaven! The stakes are high.

The dialed-in spiritual leader lives by Joshua 24:15, “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

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Excerpted from Dialed In © 2024 Jim Ramos. Used by permission of David C Cook. May not be further reproduced. All rights reserved.

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