Carla Bianco: A Vessel of God’s Love (Part 1)

John Farrell: What inspired you to release your first contemporary Christian EP, You Love Me as I Am? Why now?

Carla Bianco: About six years ago, I went on a retreat. It was in 2015. I was wanting to spend some quality time with God, and just be alone in prayer. See where God was prompting me to move, where He wanted me to move into. I was meditating on scriptures Psalm 139 and Isaiah 43 where God is talking about His deep love for us and how we’re honored and precious in his sight, and how He knows everything about us before we even speak. I received His love in my heart in such a deep and healing way like I had never received before.

I’ve always known God loves me. I grew up knowing that in my head, but I never really received it like that in my heart. And it gave me this healing experience like never before, just feeling so much pain that had accumulated through my life and burdens that had weighed me down. Self-condemning thoughts and behaviors that I had carried with me. It was healed in an instant of receiving God’s love like that in my heart. I came back from that retreat, and I have been changed ever since.

I started writing music in praise of Jesus Christ and praise of God and His love and His goodness. I just felt so moved in the way that I was wanting to write. I was writing all these songs of worship, praise, and self-reflection, and I really didn’t know what to do with those songs. I prayed about it one day when I was going for a walk. It was right after we had the shutdown last year. I said to God, “I don’t know what you want me to do with these songs, but You’re going to have to do it if You want something to happen with this.”

The next morning, I woke up and I had the whole entire arrangement to “Vessel of Your Love,” which is one of the songs on the EP, in my head. I went downstairs to my studio, which I hadn’t recorded in for years. I had been writing, but not really laying down anything. That morning I felt really inspired to go down, and this whole gate opened.

I started recording the demos to all these songs and then I met the producer, Sam Hart, who’s in Nashville. We started working long distance during the pandemic. Through that difficult time, I felt so inspired to share this love that I received. I can’t help but want to tell people about it. I think it’s a God thing that it’s coming out at this time when we have all been struggling through this pandemic and all the different conflicts, politically and socially. It’s been kind of a hard time for everyone. And this is coming out now when I think it’s more important than ever to really know that we’re loved.

JF: Is that the message you hope people take from listening to your album?

Carla: Absolutely. I know that with the human condition, we struggle with so many things. The daily hardships of existing as humans in the world with sickness and disease and death and obstacles. All kinds of hardships. To really know that we’re loved, and that God never leaves us and He’s doing a good work through everything is such a message of hope. Knowing that we’re loved in that way. It helps us to live each day in a beautiful way. There’s beauty in the adversity.

Conquering Self-Doubt with God’s Love

JF: Could you please talk a little bit about writing the title track, “You Love Me as I Am,” and the inspiration for that song from your parents’ passing? What was it about that time that inspired you to write a song about Jesus’s unfailing love?

Carla: I went through – and I didn’t even know to the degree that I had gone through it – years of struggle. Self-doubt. Wanting to prove myself through music or different achievements and feeling that I was worthy or that I was good enough.

My parents came from Italy, and they were awesome parents in terms of raising us with good values. Everybody sat around the table for dinner, and we were raised with Christian values, but as a musician and a songwriter, it was difficult in my home in terms of wanting to pursue that dream. My dad thought I should get a real job and be a lawyer or a doctor.

Coming from Italy, he wanted to raise his children to be successful Americans. And the dream that I had was not in line with that. It was going to be more difficult and risky. It was something that I felt very alone with in terms of the talents that God gave me in writing.

It was always just God and me when I was little. I’d be in my basement writing songs and praying to God to ask Him what His will was for the gifts He gave me. I struggled a lot with self-doubt or not feeling like I had what it takes or just working so hard to be the best. My dad would always say things to me like, “In order to make it you either have to be the daughter of somebody famous or be the best.” Coming from where he came, not knowing the language when he first moved here and trying to fight for his place in this country, I kinda took on a lot of that weight growing up.

When I went on that retreat, receiving God’s love like that, it healed those deep, lifelong wounds of knowing exactly who I am, exactly where I am, everything that I’ve ever experienced, every shameful thought that I have – like not feeling like I’m lovable or worthy of love — God knows all of it and He loves me exactly as I am. He meets me right there. I don’t have to be perfect or have those feelings in order to be worthy of His love. It’s in that brokenness that He meets us. He met me there. It was such a beautiful feeling to know that I didn’t have to be anything that I wasn’t. That’s what inspired the song.

We go through a lot of things that are not our choice. They’re just circumstances we either were born into or that we come upon in our life, and they don’t define us. God loves all of us and He never leaves our side. That song was inspired to deliver the message that we really are loved just as we are. And He already knows all of it. He knew it before it happened, and He never leaves us.

JF: You’ve always wanted to use your talent for the good of others and to glorify God. Where did that dedication come from, and what was your relationship with God like prior to the 2015 retreat?

Carla: I’ve always been close to God since I was a little girl. I used to write letters to God. I guess it was that loneliness that I felt when I was in the basement writing music and not knowing how I was going to do anything in my life because I felt alone with it all. I would write letters where I would call God my best friend. I would tell Him what was on my heart. I would always come to Him honestly and ask for His guidance. That was always the journey. The prayer was always, “God, this is what’s in my heart. This is my heart’s desire, but not my will, your will.” I was always praying, “God, what is Your will?” It was just a deep desire on my heart – I can’t remember when it started – but I feel like it has been there my whole life. But it was always that prayer of what is Your will? And always trying to stay close and listen.

Let Me Be a Vessel of Your Love

JF: What’s the one song on this album you feel best captures who you are and what your music is about?

Carla: That’s a tough question, but I guess it would be “Vessel of Your Love,” which was the first song that came to me. The arrangement came to me after that prayer to God asking Him what He wanted me to do with the songs.

That song is really about the desire to do God’s will. To be a vessel of his love. Just praying to Him to use me in whatever way He deems. If it’s just talking to my neighbor because they need to talk about something or if it’s helping my son with his homework or if it’s writing a song. “Vessel of Your Love” is that prayer of use me in whatever way you want Lord, every day. In small situations, in big situations, and in whatever way I could be Your voice or Your hands.

JF: Are there any other songs on the album that are particularly special to you?

Carla: There’s a song called “Guardian.” I wrote it during the pandemic. I was meditating on Psalm 121. That song really talks about how God is our guardian. How he watches over us, and how the maker of heaven and earth is our help. To think of that is just mind blowing when we’re in situations and we think, ‘How am I going to do that? How’s this going to work out?’

We’re in this pandemic and the future is so insecure, and we’re filled with fear, but the maker of heaven and earth – the all-powerful creator of it all – our God is our guardian, and He’s watching over us. That gave me such a feeling of peace when that song came out while we were in the heart of the shutdown.

Stayed Tuned for Part 2 of Carla Bianco’s Interview