Selfishness or Love?

Can love be commanded? A king ruled 127 provinces yet couldn’t make his own wife love him—proof that real, selfless love is given, never forced.

“Ahasuerus who reigned from India to Ethiopia over 127 provinces … gave a feast for all his officials and servants. The army of Persia and Media and the nobles and governors of the provinces were before him” (Esther 1:1–3).

Ahasuerus ruled a vast kingdom. Eager to impress others, he gave a lavish banquet lasting 180 days! Still not content, he wanted to show off the beauty of his wife, Queen Vashti. Much to his frustration, she refused to honor his request. He became “enraged” (v. 12). He could command an empire, but he was unable to compel his wife even to come to a banquet!

How many marriages fall apart because one of the partners thinks of the other as property? Like Ahasuerus, they have selfish goals. How many families and relationships are torn apart because people are only thinking of themselves?

The Bible tells us of the importance of love in marriage and all other human relationships. Paul instructed wives to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord,” in response to their husbands’ love – a selfless, sacrificial love in which husbands “love their wives as their own bodies,” just as Christ showed His love for the church (Ephesians 5:22–29).

Paul explained that Christian love means being patient and kind, not jealous, bragging, or arrogant. “It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” It “rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). This love is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23).

Ask God to let that selfless love transform you and flow to others.

Reflection Question: Are you showing sincere, selfless love in your relationships?

Frequently Asked Questions

What does Esther 1 teach about love?

King Ahasuerus ruled a vast empire yet couldn’t compel Queen Vashti to come at his command. It illustrates that love can’t be forced through power or selfishness—it must be freely given.

How does 1 Corinthians 13 describe real love?

Paul describes love as patient and kind, not jealous, arrogant, or self-seeking—love that “does not insist on its own way” and “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”