Linked: Maximizing Life Connections One Link at a Time

Linked: Maximizing Life Connections One Link at a Time

Dr. Craig von BuseckBy Dr. Craig von Buseck10 Minutes

CVB: You have co-written with our friend Linda Gilden a series of books to help people understand the different personalities and how they work together in practical ways. Tell me how that all transpired and what is the goal of this series?

Linda Goldfarb: Linda and I were part of a group of professional writers called CLASS, Christian Leaders, Authors, and Speakers Services. During that time we sat under the teaching of the Littauer legacy and it changed our lives. Knowing the personalities, learning about ourselves absolutely changed us. And I became passionate about it. Linda, of course, was also passionate about it. I had incorporated the personalities into my coaching and into my life. This understanding also changed the dynamic with my husband and with my kids.

I had been working with busy parents and I needed something quick and simple to help them. So I contacted Linda and I said, “Would you be interested in co-writing an easy, but truth-filled assessment for busy people? People have got to get linked. And so it was like, “Oh … Linked!” So it is a trademark and it is supported by the brain science.

For example, the mobilizer does not naturally snap with the stabilizer portion of the brain. It does not happen. But you can have people that are mobilizers and they’re walking as a stabilizer. That was me as a child. I had parents that wanted the house quiet and I was a socializer. As a kid, I didn’t know anything about the personalities. My parents didn’t know. So I’m morphed into something I was not. I shut off everything that would have been a natural way for me to walk. I didn’t realize until I was in high school that I was much happier on the stage. I didn’t realize that in my quiet state I wasn’t who I needed to be.

CVB: So when did that change for you?

Linda: When I was in high school. But I didn’t have a name for it. I didn’t know what it was. I realized that I was fun. I can help people move on to the next thing. I became a change maker at a very young age, but I didn’t want to push people. But people would come to me and say, what do I do now? And I’d say, “Well, you do this, and this, and this.” It just came naturally to me.

I was very competitive. In my nature, things like exercise and competition, all of that is how I rest. But I was being told, “take a nap.” And answered, “I don’t want to take a nap.” I wondered what was wrong with me?

Then I discovered the personalities when Florence Littauer and CLASS came to San Antonio. At first I was put off because I was afraid they were going to try to label me. But then I saw how the personalities impacted my relationships and family. I started discovering my husband, who is a stabilizer and an organizer in my real life

When I found out that I am a choleric personality I said, “No, I’m not. I’m not a bossy person.” But then I discovered that when I walk in a room, people assume I own it because that’s my posture. That’s my nature. So then I looked at my husband and I was like, “Oh, that’s why he slept. He needs to sleep. He’s not lazy. He’s living life.”

I remember one time when I was praying and I said, “You know, God, if you just made Sam spiritual, like me, our ministry would grow. All of this would be better.” And as I said that, the conviction came to my heart. God answered, “I designed him the way he is. You need to discover you.”

That’s when I became passionate about understanding personalities. I do a 12-week teaching on the personalities and over the years I’ve had so many couples that said, “We thought we were here for our kids. What we’ve learned about each other is so helpful.” Then the wife turns to the husband, or the husband to the wife and they say, “I’m so sorry.”

I point to Jesus. As parents, we are not the truth. We point to Him. And so my personality softened. I now wear soft clothes when I speak, because I want you to want to be around me and I don’t want to scare you.

Collaborating in this whole series with Linda Gilden has helped me because she’s opposite of me. She fills in the gaps for me. And I understand even more. I’ll say something and she answers, “But that’s not how I think.” I say, “Really? How would you word that one?”

Then because she’s an organizer, she’d say something about my socializer side – something like, “Well, all you want to do is have fun.” But I’d reply, “No fun is an element, but it’s not all I want. I know what I want. I want people to like me, so I’m going to be funny.” And she answered, “I didn’t know that.” And so what we offer in this series is the heartbeat and the love languages.

We’re developing a heart language for the personalities, like that communication between husband and wife. If you’re dating, do you speak that love language? The love languages are amazing. So this is designed for people to go a little deeper.

Linda and I have been teaching this to groups of millennials and when they hear this they like it because now it’s about relationship. So one will say to a friend, “You are so a socializer!” And she just laughs and laughs. And the one who is a mobilizer says, “I don’t point at people… Oh, I guess I point at people.”

We do our natural tendencies naturally. I didn’t realize that when I pointed at you, I pushed you away. Now when I speak to large audiences or intimate, or when I’m coaching, I’ve learned I have to open up. I’ve changed my posture. Now I’m invitational.

I say, “Okay, I’ll invite you on a journey. How do you want to go? Do you want to go slow? Do you want to go fast? Can we include the Lord?” And it makes it such a beautiful adventure.

My husband and I love the Lord of the Rings. Sam will say, “I think I’m ready for a new adventure.” And that’s what personalities are. It’s an adventure. Personalities are not labeling someone. They’re helping with understanding.

As the Lord opens my eyes to understanding myself, then I say, “Whoa, this is amazing.” There were a lot of things I didn’t like about myself because I didn’t understand. I would say, “I’m supposed to be this. How come I’m not that?” But God replied, “You’re who I made you to be by design. I didn’t create anyone exactly like you” And so I can say, “I’m okay with me.”

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