How to Manage Grief and Loss During the Holidays!

The holidays can magnify both joy and sorrow. Learning how to manage grief and loss during the holidays can help you honor memories while finding comfort, peace, and strength in Christ.

“Grief is a lot like the ocean. It ebbs and flows. It has high tides and low tides. Sometimes its waters are as calm as glass; other times, its rough waves and riptides can overwhelm. Sometimes, about all we can do with grief is learn how to practice water safety.”

A Word About Grief and Bereavement

Like some of you, I have dealt with the loss of loved ones over the holidays. On December 2, 2016, my mama, Mary Anne Thurman, passed from this earth, and just a few weeks later, on January 11, 2017, my dad, Howdy Thurman, went to be with her. Since they both loved the Christmas season, the holidays are a time of special memories. I hope these tips and insights will help you have a season of gratitude for those who have gone before you.

Research on Grief

Dr. George Bonanno and his team have studied the impact of grief across multiple international people groups and have discovered some helpful truths—and they may come as a surprise. Bonanno’s findings contradict much of what the grief industry has taught for years.

While Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross provided groundbreaking research into the stages dying people go through, she never studied the impact of grief on family systems. Her process was adapted and became ingrained in our cultural model. The problem? The Kübler-Ross stages are not verified by research. The major breakdown seems to be the assumption that if you don’t go through the “stages,” you fail to grieve.

Rather than stages, Bonanno’s research reveals three broad styles of grief. Knowing which one you may identify with can help you build strategies of resilience, rest, and recovery into your own bereavement process.

I hope this information will help as you and I move through this holiday season.

Having a general idea of what pattern of grief, you are in can help you be more effective in building the strategies of resilience, rest, and recovery into your own bereavement process.

The Three Broad Patterns of Grief

Prolonged, Chronic Grief Pattern (10-15%)

• The pain is extreme and enduring
• Can last years
• Grief becomes a long, agonizing experience

Resilient Recovery Pattern (most common) (50-60%)

• They feel the pain of the loss
• They face reality with sadness and pain
• Their acute pain lasts days to months
• They accept the loss and adjust to life without their loved one
• They move toward new beginnings more quickly

Gradual Recovery Pattern (15-20%)

• Experience intense suffering for months to a year
• Slowly pull themselves together and embrace a new normal
• May still feel pain years later, but largely move forward in health

10 Ways to Cope with Holiday Grief

(Note: Because grief is intensely personal and unique, you may or may not experience any of these. If your grief feels overwhelming, please reach out for help.)

1. Be prepared for sad moments or memories. Let them come, and give yourself permission to process them.
2. If you fear overthinking your losses, fill empty holiday spaces with good things.
3. Honor and celebrate traditions and memories of your loved ones.
4. Be intentional about creating new traditions and memories.
5. Identify and expand your best coping skills.
6. Avoid isolation by volunteering in your church or community. Serving others helps counter despair. 
7. Engage with others—family, friends, neighbors, and your community.
8. Maintain reasonable expectations of yourself. Ask: How am I doing? How am I feeling? 
9. Set boundaries on time, expectations, and activities. Be busy, but not distracted.
10. If you need help, get it. Reach out to friends, ministry leaders, therapists, or online resources.

Grief may never fully leave, but God can give you strength, hope, and healing in every season. The holidays can be both painful and precious—but they can also be a time when Christ meets you with His peace.

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If you’re searching for spiritual encouragement and tools to grow stronger in faith, visit our Spiritual Growth Hub. Find resources that will help you walk through seasons of grief with God’s comfort and power.