Rhonda Robinson: As you said, in Part 1, when you compound your trauma of divorce, with your children’s wounds and then their relationship with your ex-spouse, develop a relationship that you may or may not be okay with. That’s hard.
PeggySue: And a lot of times, things happen that you were not included. I can remember there are those visitations, and things where the children leave, like they go away for a holiday. You know, pick Christmas Day or pick Thanksgiving.
And the children go away to a place that the Court has said they need to go be there and the only person who’s not invited, the only person that’s not included in this holiday family celebration is the mother.
You know, like how odd is that? Because we stayed. You know, in my instance, in most, again most single-parent homes are single mom led, and for the most part the mother is there and she has stayed and she’s doing her best.
I had a friend of mine who’s an attorney and he said you’re literally on a leash to the ex, because the laws will say you have to have the children in here at these times you have to make sure they get this time with this parent. The parent that has left is entitled to their quote-unquote parenting time.
And so again, we’re catering to this other person and interrupts the children’s lifestyle. I’ve really advocated for his children being able to keep their regular schedule so if this other parent’s weekend.
Well, if the children have soccer practice or baseball practice or music lessons. They shouldn’t have to forego those every other weekend, if the parents have been together, the child would have been there for those practices they would have made all of their games.
And so we need to make that happen. But a lot of times you know there’s this tension and there’s friction and those things don’t happen, and so the children learn to not connect.
Because they learned, don’t get attached to your schedule, because it’s going to be interrupted every other weekend. Don’t get attached to your toothbrush, because you’re not going to be using the same toothbrush on those times that you go for visitation somewhere else. Don’t get attached to your parents because you’re going to be sometimes with one parent and sometimes with another parent don’t get attached to your friends because they’re going to be able to carry on with their regular lives but you’re gonna bounce in and out and so we’re literally teaching our children to have an attachment disorder.
So all the best parenting advice that Pam and I could get and then we also roped in 11, other single moms that had raised their children and we had them put their contributions and you know what works for you.
What did you learn what was something that you would pass on to another mother? So we have that good wisdom that’s in there so that we can bring the best of the best into the hands of these moms that are starting to walk this journey.
But I learned two things with my kids one was focus on their strengths.
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Single mom of seven, PeggySue Wells is the author 29 books including Rediscovering Your Happily Ever After; Moving from hopeless to hopeful for the newly divorced mom (Kregel), and The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make (Baker Publishing Group). Learn more at PeggySueWells.com
Rhonda Robinsonis a speaker and the author of Freefall: Holding Onto Faith When the Unthinkable Strikes, offering women spiritual wisdom to transform the darkness into a season of profound change and emerge with vision and purpose. Learn more atRhondaRobinson.tv
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